In addition to OCD, there is another nemesis in my life I am working hard to understand. It makes me insecure. It creates stressful inner dialogue. It makes me resent people I love and admire. Envy. Envy is a strange one. I don’t dislike who I am and I don’t want to be anyone else. I don’t truly want to have what they have. So what gives? I notice that envy starts to seep into the picture when I have some unrealized and frustrated goal or desire that I see comes easily to someone else. Or at least I think it comes easily to them.
And envy is all about the shallow things, which I already know lack the power to grant me true happiness. My friend who gets frequent compliments about how stunning she is. That girl in my class who stuns her peers with insightful and eloquent questions. The friend whose parents are loaded, so she does not have to work through school. The coworker who is a social butterfly, and gets rewarded for it. Oh and yes, I might resent you if I see something OCD has taken from me which you take for granted.
I think envy is a parasite of sorts. It’s not who I really am, but a distorted way of seeing myself and others that grows the more I pay attention to it (interesting how this parallels obsessive thoughts in OCD). I found some encouraging quotes to meditate on to help me squash the green-eyed monster and I hope they help you too 🙂
“Envy comes from people’s ignorance of, or lack of belief in, their own gifts” – Jean Vanier
Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!
Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. (Romans 12:15, 16, 18 NLT)
Be happy with those who are happy… I would much rather do that instinctively than fall prey to being jealous of them. It’s a powerful and wonderful thing, when you can truly be happy for someone else.
Thanks for reading 🙂