I conclude that my life is over a lot. Really though, each time I think that “this is it”.
I think the killer part of OCD and anxiety in general may very well be that you live through the emotions of Armegeddon without any real tragedy. I’m serious. I think I have thought that my life was over multiple times a month. My job, my academic life, my career, my relationships, my health, etc….at some point my anxiety has concluded that something has gone wrong and for certain, life would no longer be worth living. Only a matter of time. What I recognize that is most shocking is that each trigger is an innocent and honest mistake. That in truth, I always do my best and live with integrity. I’m ridiculously conscientious. Sadly the power of OCD is not really based on reality but on my distorted perception of it , so my choices offer me little protection.
I’m triggered right now. But I will just tell myself that mental torture is uncalled for when I have a clean conscience. The worst possible “what if” may very well happen, but life will go on so long as I can live with myself and my choices. At the end of the day, I really have lots to be proud of and little that OCD can use to hurt me in real life. I’m going to be kind to myself and tell myself to be unconcerned with my OCD.