A Very Long Absence

I am writing this from a nook by my patio, listening to fireworks and the emergency sirens as those in my neighborhood celebrate the 4th of July. Today was a beautiful day filled with family, Jenga, good beer, and lots of macaroni and cheese. As my husband and I were driving home (yep, that happened – I got married), I passed landmarks in my home city that stirred up core memories from the past four and a half years. There’s the apartment where OCD first began to  really bulldoze through my life. There is the Target parking lot where I was stranded for hours, petrified by my OCD that is focused on driving.Read More »

Have Some Humble Pie

I prayed a few weeks ago that God would make me humble. It’s working.

I am in that phase of your mid-20’s when you find yourself making comparisons left and right as you try to measure whether you are making any progress at this being a grown-up deal. They are just little things, but the little things that get underneath your skin in just the right ways. Read More »

My New Roommate (& How He’s With Helping My OCD)

We human beings are social beings. We come into the world as the result of others’ actions. We survive here in dependence on others. Whether we like it or not, there is hardly a moment of our lives when we do not benefit from others’ activities. For this reason, it is hardly surprising that most of our happiness arises in the context of our relationships with others.
― 14th Dalai Lama

A couple of months ago, I moved in with my boyfriend. That next milestone in a relationship is a scary one! The last time I did that, the situation ended up exacerbating my anxiety disorder (at the time I did not know what I had). This time however, is a very different story. I was diagnosed at the time that my current partner came into the picture, and from the very start, he has been supportive, comforting, and when the situation calls for it, tough on me for my own good (he often refuses to reassure me in my Pure O moments). I never imagined, however, how much living with someone in a healthy living situation could give me the extra boost I needed in my struggle with OCD.Read More »

Slowly, Freedom

My own OCD has been quieter than usual lately. I keep wondering how much longer now before it comes roaring back with the force it once had. I’ve wanted to just pretend it never was. I’m scared I may once again unexpectedly be triggered and lose all this progress. I also know I must accept and prepare for the next challenge because every fellow OCD sufferer has told me it will happen. Cyclical. No one could express it better than Anna, in this wonderfully written post. Thank you Anna. I needed to hear it from someone who has gone ahead of me on this road.

Living the Story

I’ve been pretty quiet, even though I’m bubbling over with stuff to share. I feel free and terrified and growing.Maybe these things need to sit, to work down into me before I broadcast them into this tiny corner of the interwebs.

I’ve been realizing -and practicing- belief as a choice, not a feeling. Sounds elementary, I know. It’s something I’ve known at a superficial level for a while, but the truth and experience of it is sinking down into me. I realized the other day that I don’t have to feel that Jesus is with me, has been with me through all of this pain, in order to believe  it. I get to CHOOSE what to believe. I use to find that prospect terrifying. It’s still pretty scary, but now I see the beautiful freedom in it as well.

And so I’ve been unweaving the heavy, soul-crushing chains that…

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And The Runner Up Is… Envy

In addition to OCD, there is another nemesis in my life I am working hard to understand. It makes me insecure. It creates stressful inner dialogue. It makes me resent people I love and admire. Envy. Envy is a strange one. I don’t dislike who I am and I don’t want to be anyone else. I don’t truly want to have what they have. So what gives? I notice that envy starts to seep into the picture when I have some unrealized and frustrated goal or desire that I see comes easily to someone else. Or at least I think it comes easily to them.Read More »